No juzgar para vivir mejor.

No juzgar para vivir mejor.

mujer evaluando
“Mariela llega al consultorio un poco desaliñada. Esta un poco nerviosa y comienza a relatarme el último conflicto con su pareja: El día anterior habían discutido por la noche. Después de comer, cuando ella abrió su computadora para meterse en las redes sociales, el la miró con ojos penetrantes. Ella captó esa mirada y entendió que a él le molestaba su decisión. Cerró la computadora sin decir nada y media hora más tarde, después de otra mirada que ella entendió como provocativa le dijo que no aguantaba más que él pensara que ella era una vaga. Que había trabajado todo el día en la casa y que tenía derecho a hacer lo que quisiera. Él se defendió diciendo que no había dicho nada y que ella siempre lo veía como un ogro, animal…”
Esta es una realidad cotidiana que nos lleva al sufrimiento…

Juzgar y sentirse juzgados.

Esta es una situación corriente en la vida de la mayoría de las personas. Juzgar y sentirse juzgado son dos de las maneras más nocivas de convivir. Estamos completamente condicionados a utilizar el juicio evaluativo (bueno- malo) para relacionarnos con el medio. Nuestro cerebro emocional, el que compartimos con el resto de los mamíferos es un especialista en decir de cuáles situaciones es preciso alejarse y a cuáles acercarse. De hecho, este fue un gran paso evolutivo en la evolución de las especies. Este cerebro, situado en la amígdala, donde se desarrollan las emociones de ira, miedo, tristeza y alegría, es el que continuamente esta evaluando la realidad para saber de dónde alejarse y a qué acercarse; para ello es necesario un juicio.
Nuestro cerebro emocional es un sistema complejo, guarda un registro de todo lo vivido en la vida e incluso puede heredar historias de los antepasados. Por lo tanto, ciertas situaciones actuales pueden despertar viejos temores o antiguos enojos, exasperando de maneras inusitadas a las personas.
La sociedad humana y la cultura también se han constituido en base al juicio de lo que está bien y de lo que está mal. Que es lo que se debe decir, hacer o pensar en cada momento. Desde niños en la escuela nos marcan a fuego entender que hay cosas que están bien y otras mal y es nuestro deber poder discernir. También las familias siguen esta directriz, por lo tanto continuamente evaluamos negativa o positivamente todo.
Pero como dice el proverbio chino “Wu ji bi fanMucho de una sola cosa no es bueno (la otra traducción que encontré es “cuando las cosas llegan a un extremo, sólo se pueden mover en la dirección contraria”). Cuando sólo nos conectamos con la realidad desde esta posición de juzgar y determinar bueno o malo, nuestro centro emocional se ve sumamente implicado y esto nos lleva a estados de euforia y disforia que se alternan haciendo de nuestra vida una montaña rusa emocional. Generando, literalmente, un agrandamiento de nuestra amígdala y volviéndonos mucho más reactivos, viscerales y necios.
Es así que nuestra vida y sobre todo nuestras relaciones comienzan a verse de maneras intensas, y alternando entre pasiones extremas y peleas que generan grandes sufrimientos y rozan la desesperación. Relacionarse con el mundo desde esta posición de estar juzgando o siendo juzgado genera estados de mucha tensión, desagrado, y agotamiento.

El Buda y su Epokhe.

La práctica de mindfulness que enseñamos en el curso  que realizamos hunde sus raíces en la cultura budista y en las enseñanzas del mismo, se propone observar. Atender y no juzgar, simplemente observar. Si un juicio aparece entre mis pensamientos al observar, sólo lo voy a notar como un pensamiento mas no como una realidad.
Algo parecido propuso el griego Pirrón que lidero el movimiento filosófico de los escépticos. “Epokhe”, la suspensión del juicio. Podemos opinar, hablar de algo, pero no decir que eso que opinamos es una verdad o una certeza sino solamente nuestra percepción momentánea del fenómeno. Por lo tanto suspender el juicio es necesario para acercarnos a la realidad de una manera diferente, sin imponernos y sin creer que somos capaces de definir qué es la realidad o la verdad.
Cuando en una relación logramos sostener el no juicio frente a determinadas circunstancias, hacemos uso de nuestras facultades mentales más avanzadas. Percibimos el movimiento emocional de la amígdala, pero utilizando la corteza prefrontal, logramos desactivar ese núcleo emocional que se activa sin necesidad, y tenemos acceso a facultades humanas más evolucionadas, como la compasión, la empatía y la felicidad.
De esta manera la amígdala no se activa, no crece, y nos volvemos menos reactivos, menos intensos con la consecuente disminución de sufrimiento en nosotros y en nuestras relaciones sociales.
Marshall Rosemberg, quien desarrollara la comunicación no violenta que se enseña en todo el mundo y que debería aplicarse en todos los sistemas educativos (a mi parecer), supone que para una comunicación efectiva, la suspensión del juicio y la pregunta sobre la intención y la interpretación de lo que el otro me está comunicando es elemental para poder llegar en buenos términos a los acuerdos necesarios de cualquier relación.

Confundir el no juzgar con el no decidir en la vida.

Cuando en las clases o en la terapia hablamos de esta actitud frente a la realidad, muchas veces se cree, erróneamente, que no juzgar supone entonces no elegir, o no decidir, resignarse o someterse. Este es uno de los peligros del mindfulness, pero está muy alejado de la proposición del enunciado.
En la meditación formal, es decir cuando nos sentamos a observar, contemplar nuestro cuerpo, la respiración, la realidad externa y nuestros propios pensamientos, la actitud de no juzgar tiene que estar presente para poder observar cada una de las cosas. Supongamos que tenemos un pie en una posición que nos genera dolor… no juzgar no quiere decir que al observarlo no lo identifique como tal, sino que al observarlo pueda observar cómo se manifiesta, cómo responde mi mente y mi emocionalidad (mi rechazo al dolor por ejemplo) sin necesidad de identificarme con todas estas respuestas. Posteriormente puede que elija mover el pie y terminar con ese innecesario dolor, pero lo haré desde otro lugar, no desde el rechazo emocional.
Transitar la incomodidad en la meditación formal y utilizar la actitud de no juzgar puede desarrollar nuestras facultades más evolucionadas, pero es necesario que estas facultades también nos guíen en la vida para saber dónde queremos estar y cómo. Esto también se relaciona con las parejas y con las situaciones que se dan en la misma. Suspender el juicio supone entonces, suspender la identificación con el movimiento emocional e impulsivo de nuestra amígdala y la posibilidad de observar atentamente para profundizar y usar otra parte de nuestro cerebro para saber qué quiero en mi vida.
En la meditación formal, no juzguen, sin miedo, eso va a generar beneficiosos cambios en su estructura cerebral y ayudará, sin dudas, a que tomen mejores decisiones en sus vidas y en sus relaciones.
                                                                                 Escrito por: Lic. Rodolfo Falcón.
facilitador de mindfulness.

Comments

  1. Atención y estrés. – Rodolfo Falcón
    May, 18, 2018 4:04 AM

    […] lo que ahí mismo acontece. En la atención plena hay una actitud de Aceptación. Una actitud de No juzgar Esta manera diferente de relacionarnos con la realidad, interrumpe la espiral reactiva que es […]

  2. 3 consejos para educar emocionalmente a tu hijo. – Rodolfo Falcón
    Jun, 20, 2018 7:00 PM

    […] que frente a los diferentes sucesos que el niño vive, es prioritario que el padre/madre lo mire sin juicio, dándole lugar a lo que sea que él haya vivido. Escucharlo y preguntarle cómo sintió el cuerpo […]

  3. 5 recomendaciones para empezar a meditar - Rodolfo Falcón
    Ago, 06, 2018 12:52 PM

    […] no van a ser las mejores. Lo mejor es conservar esa actitud de observar con atención plena y sin juicio. Tomarte las cosas con la calma suficiente para que puedas ir observándolas y llevar tu práctica a […]

  4. ¿Qué es la ecuanimidad y cómo puede ayudarnos en la vida?
    Mar, 16, 2019 6:45 PM

    […] debajo de las olas de los pensamientos. Al interrumpir el proceso, si nos sostenemos en el no juicio podemos desarrollar una posición más equilibrada, no reactiva. Si somos capaces de aceptar la […]

  5. Huir del silencio Rodolfo Falcón
    Abr, 26, 2019 9:55 PM

    […] cuerpo o de nuestros pensamientos nos acerca al momento presente. Si observamos con aceptación, sin juicio, si tenemos la actitud correcta, entonces conectaremos mente y cuerpo. No sólo eso, sino que […]

  6. Como ganar en una discusión. Los 3 niveles Rodolfo Falcón
    Feb, 24, 2020 3:54 AM

    […] de conectar empáticamente con el otro y que el otro lo haga con uno. Cómo comenté en este post, el juicio o el prejuicio suele ser una manera de desconectarse y perder toda posibilidad de […]

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