3 Consejos para lograr una mejor comunicación

3 Consejos para lograr una mejor comunicación

nena y hombre hablandoLa comunicación es la piedra angular de toda interacción humana. Puede ser verbal, no verbal, escrita, etc. Desarrollar habilidades de comunicación puede ser el trampolín que nos impulse a tener una vida más exitosa a nivel laboral. También a tener una vida más plena en el sentido relacional. Construir relaciones significativas y profundas puede darse a partir del desarrollo de la comunicación asertiva y empática.

Recuerdo con cierta desazón una situación observada en la vía pública. Estaba estacionado con el auto esperando a que mi compañera salga de un negocio cuando en la mano de enfrente veo una pareja puteándose una y otra vez. Una escena común, que no llama la atención ya que está instalado culturalmente la comunicación que maltrata y que juzga. En este post quiero hablarte de algunas pautas que podemos desarrollar para tener una comunicación más eficaz, consciente y compasiva.

Las dificultades en la comunicación

Hay diversos aspectos que hacen difícil la comunicación verbal entre los seres humanos. Desde aspectos meramente biológicos, pasando por los semánticos hasta los culturales.

En principio hay cuestiones vinculadas con la educación y la idiosincrasia. Los argentinos, particularmente los porteños, por ejemplo, suelen ser catalogados como arrogantes, gritones e impulsivos. Tradiciones que pueden provenir de vertientes italianas o españolas. En los pueblos del interior del país los estilos comunicacionales son diferentes. No se puede generalizar, pero es notorio cuando uno está en otro país, las diferentes maneras de comunicarse y la facilidad para encontrar un paisano.
La educación emocional es un aspecto importante. Cuando no se educa emocionalmente a un pueblo, las personas suelen no saber cómo lidiar con sus propias emociones. De esta manera caen en reacciones impulsivas que son nocivas para el intercambio.

Un aspecto muy importante que dificulta la conexión entre las personas es el miedo y la tendencia a hacer juicios. El juicio, y el prejuicio son obstáculos para la empatía y el entendimiento del otro. El aislamiento, el estrés, el ritmo acelerado de vida y sobretodo el egocentrismo, son otros factores. Todos ellos dificultan que la comunicación pueda desarrollarse de una manera consciente y empática. 

Para mejorar la comunicación es importante no sólo considerar esos aspectos negativos para reducirlos a un mínimo, sino también cultivar y poner la atención en estos tres puntos siguientes.

La comunicación con el cuerpo

El cuerpo es el verdadero asiento de las emociones. Ellas se manifiestan en el cuerpo y desde allí nos indican cómo vincularnos con la realidad. Y no sólo eso, el cuerpo posee una información ancestral e instintiva muy potente. 
Pero estamos desconectados del cuerpo. No lo escuchamos, ni lo registramos. Desde chicos se prioriza y valora la inteligencia cognitiva, la intelectualidad y no la inteligencia somática.

Habitar el cuerpo en el presente, este es uno de los aspectos centrales de la meditación Mindfulness. A partir de este entrenamiento propioceptivo las personas pueden ir reconociendo las emociones ni bien emergen en la conciencia corporal. De esta manera es probable que, al reconocerlas tempranamente, puedan darles algún curso sano. Cuando esto no sucede las personas pueden estresarse más fácilmente o ser capturadas por impulsos emocionales.

Quienes están conectados con el cuerpo pueden ser conscientes de sus emociones y de sus necesidades. Al hacerlo pueden utilizar la comunicación como una herramienta eficaz para satisfacer lo insatisfecho. Cuando esta conexión no se da, es probable que las personas sean cautivas de comportamientos impulsivos y desbordes emocionales que van a repercutir negativamente en la forma de comunicarse.

Separar lo observación de la interpretación

Para una correcta comunicación necesitamos observar claramente aquello que vemos, oímos o sentimos, sin mezclarlo con nuestras evaluaciones. Las interpretaciones suelen estar contaminadas de sesgos cognitivos que fuimos desarrollando a lo largo de nuestra vida. Puntos de vista y maneras de pensar. Condicionamientos variados de la cultura y nuestra educación que moldean la forma que tenemos de evaluar un hecho. 
No es que no debamos tener un punto de vista, sino que es necesario distinguir el punto de vista o evaluación de lo observable. Cuando mezclamos ambos, es probable que la otra persona encuentre en nuestro decir una crítica, o una exigencia. Si es así, se defenderá y el propósito de la comunicación será fallido.

De esta manera reemplazaríamos el típico “sos” en un observable circunstancial que nos lleva a pensar eso.
En vez de decir, por ejemplo:
-“sos un desastre”
cuando nuestro hijo trae una mala nota, podríamos decir:
-“cuando veo que te sacaste un tres en matemáticas… me pongo muy nervioso…”
De esta manera reemplazaríamos juicios con observaciones.

De la misma manera para concluir una discusión, acordar de qué manera proceder en el futuro por medio de un observable es una buena opción. 
Por ejemplo, en vez de decir:
-“cuando te trate mal, entonces parame el carro”
podríamos decir:
-“Cuando percibas o creas que alcé la voz, entonces puedes decirme: “estás levantando la voz” de esa manera yo podría percatarme y de ser así respirar un poco más calmadamente para continuar nuestra conversación.”

Palabras como mal, bien, siempre, nunca, todos, ninguno encierran generalizaciones, juicios, diagnósticos e interpretaciones que dificultan la comunicación. Enfocarse en lo observable del momento, que es el disparador de la conversación, y en el posible observable que resuelva la misma es una mejor forma de comunicarse.

La empatía

Al igual que con la presencia en el cuerpo, la empatía también necesita de la presencia. Cuando desarrollamos los cursos de Mindfulness trabajamos sobre este aspecto. Estar presente con el otro, percibiéndolo completamente y sin juicio. Esta presencia no es fácil, ya que es posible que nos sintamos intimidados o desbordados por la conexión. Es preciso entender, que el otro es un ser humano que también sufre y al hacerlo, conectar puede abrumarnos.

La empatía es poder sentir lo que está sintiendo el otro. Poder conectar con su sufrimiento, con su sentir y con sus necesidades insatisfechas. Es imposible hacer esto cuando no estamos conectados con nuestros propios cuerpos. Pero también es difícil cuando no podemos salir de nosotros mismos, de nuestro ego. Reconocer lo que le sucede al otro, la necesidad del otro puede ser la llave que destrabe o que facilite la comunicación.

Además del egocentrismo y la desconexión hay otras pautas que bloquean la empatía. El querer aconsejar, educar, consolar, minimizar, explicar o corregir por ejemplo, no nos permite conectar plenamente. Es preciso que en la conexión haya una apertura y un silencio a lo que le está sucediendo al otro. Sin querer que eso cambie. Cuando creemos que tenemos que arreglar o corregir lo que siente el otro, dejamos de estar presentes con el otro. La empatía es ese espacio en donde sin juicio y sin tomar nada personal me abro a conocer la necesidad insatisfecha del otro.

De esta manera cuando este elemento está claro, y también es claro mi necesidad ya que pude conectar con mi cuerpo, la comunicación puede ser más efectiva. Una comunicación asertiva y empática sería aquella en donde se pueda comunicar lo que siento sin imponerme, sin exigir y considerando lo que el otro siente para llegar a un resultado, observable que resuelva ambas necesidades.

Hay otros puntos a desarrollar sobre la comunicación que iremos abordando a su tiempo. Por el momento estos tres puntos pueden ser una buena manera de comenzar.

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