5 Creencias que nos juegan una mala pasada.

5 Creencias que nos juegan una mala pasada.

hombre nube y lluviaLa filosofía y también la psicología han indagado desde sus inicios la relación del hombre con la realidad. La manera en que este genera su propio sufrimiento.
Hace unos cuantos años un psicólogo llamado Albert Ellis, desarrollo una corriente psicoterapéutica llamada terapia racional emotiva conductual (TREC). En su desarrollo teórico estableció que hay creencias irracionales que son la base del sufrimiento. Es a partir de estas que desarrollamos emociones dramáticas y exageradas.
Elegí cinco para compartirles, por ser las que más comúnmente me encuentro en el espacio terapéutico.

1- Es una necesidad extrema que sea amado o al menos Aprobado por todos.

Esta creencia que persiste en muchas personas tiene tres fuentes irracionales claras. Por un lado la idea de la “necesidad” como una condición fundamental o básica. Podríamos pensar que podemos también no ser aceptados, sin que esto sea catastrófico.
Por otro lado, la idea de que esa aprobación sea total, podríamos pensar en consecuencia que algunas cosas de mi pueden ser aceptadas y otras pueden no ser de agrado.
Finalmente la idea de que todos tienen que aceptarme. Somos mamíferos y cierta pertenencia nos es muy grata, pero cuando está búsqueda de aceptación se exagera la situación se vuelve problemática.
El exigir ser aprobado por todos es una meta inalcanzable. Si se necesita de forma extrema la aprobación, siempre se generará una preocupación por el “cuándo seremos aceptados”.
La incertidumbre de no conseguir la aprobación de los demás generaría un comportamiento inseguro y molesto perdiéndose con ello el interés de los demás.

2- Pensar constantemente en lo malo que pueda pasar me ayuda a estar preparado.

La ansiedad frente a un evento es, contrariamente a lo que esta afirmación indica, completamente perjudicial en varios sentidos. Por un lado no representa una preparación real frente al peligro, y por otro trae graves consecuencias en la salud. Los nervios que se generan nos llevan a tener menor rendimiento ante la exigencia.
También, a menudo, la ansiedad contribuye a que el problema realmente aparezca. La posibilidad, generalmente no es una posibilidad concreta y real sino una sobre estimación nuestra. Cuando han de venir acontecimientos inevitables como la enfermedad o la muerte de nada sirve el preocuparse anticipadamente por ellos.
La mayoría de los hechos temidos y peligrosos (como las enfermedades) son mucho menos catastróficos cuando ocurren de verdad, pero la ansiedad o el miedo de que ocurran sí constituyen algo incluso más doloroso que la propia situación temida.

3- Es dramático que las cosas no vayan por el camino que a mí me gustaría que fuesen.

No aceptar la realidad es una de las cuestiones que más sufrimiento nos trae La realidad es la que es, independientemente de que yo la acepte o no. Tal vez desapegarme de “lo que a mí me gustaría que fuese” sea una opción válida. El desagrado que me genere no me va a servir para modificar la situación, más bien al contrario, me va a llevar a tener un menor rendimiento.
Cuando las cosas no nos salen, está bien luchar por cambiarlas, pero cuando esto es imposible, lo más sano es aceptar las cosas como son.
El sentir la cuestión como dramática, es, posiblemente una exageración, y nace de considerar nuestro deseo como una necesidad fundamental. Como dice la canción de Vicentico, “los caminos de la vida, no son lo que yo esperaba”. Esto es así y mejorar nuestra relación con lo que es va a disminuir notablemente nuestro padecer.

4- La culpa de mis desgracias son externas a mi. Son los demás o la realidad la razón de mi sufrimiento y nada puedo hacer yo.

Algo que me encuentro en la terapia cotidianamente es con personas que refieren la responsabilidad de sus estados emocionales a terceros. Es una posición vulgarmente conocido como “posición de víctima”, personas que están mal y se la pasan culpando a los demás de sus desgracias. Existe un tecnisismo para referirse a esta idea que es la Indefensión aprendida.
Pensar que mi malestar o mis desgracias tienen que ver con las acciones del otro, lleva a que yo no tenga ningún poder para modificarlo. Literalmente le doy el poder al otro y no entiendo que gran parte del sufrimiento no tiene que ver con el hecho en sí, sino con la relación simbólica que yo genero con ese hecho o acto.
Por otro lado, aunque la mayoría de la gente pueda creer que las emociones negativas no se pueden cambiar y simplemente hay que sufrirlas, la experiencia demuestra que aprender a transitarlas facilita el poder trascenderlas.

5- La historia pasada es un determinante de la conducta actual. Y si algo me ocurrió debe seguir afectándome indefinidamente.

Refiere a personas que reaccionan a situaciones presentes de la misma manera que reaccionaron décadas atrás a situaciones similares, y la justificación que se suele esgrimir “lo que pasa que de chico a mí me pasaba que…”
Esta creencia limita la posibilidad de encontrar soluciones más acorde a nuestra edad actual, y evita que hagamos el esfuerzo pertinente por madurar y solucionar lo que acontece.
Cuanto más influenciado se está por el pasado más se utilizan soluciones a los problemas que fueron utilizadas entonces pero que hoy pueden ser ineficaces.
Tal vez la frase más escuchada que hace referencia a este razonamiento es “yo desde chica soy así”. Con lo cual se cree que por el pasado que se tuvo es imposible cambiar. Es cierto que el pasado es un condicionamiento muy fuerte, y puede dificultar, pero de ninguna manera nos vuelve imposible la tarea de cambiar y adaptarnos a las nuevas situaciones.
 
Lic. Rodolfo Falcón. Resumen de “las creencias irracionales del Dr Ellis”.
 

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